Life- It can be a real soul sucker.

Life, well lets put it bluntly, sucks from time to time. It is never all roses, peach pies and sunshine, even though I am sure that there are a ton of use that either portray it that way in our blogs, or our photos, or even in our social media. How often do you make things sound like roses and such when really your life is just hell?

I am sure you are wondering why I am asking this, and yes there really is a reason.

I just went through it.

Here is a bit of the back story, the whole story is pretty long and quite honestly I am not sure that I can actually type it all out with out bursting into tears. If that happens I will never finish this post. So here goes with the short version.

Several months ago my step dad went out to do one of his favorite things, fishing. A storm came up, and flipped the boat that he and is brother in law were in. My step dad was unable to make it to shore. When my mom called me and told me what had happened it hurt, but it hurt more to hear my mother in tears because she is not one to cry.

Within a few weeks my mothers health began to just fall apart, she had a stroke, a heart attack and two surgeries, and I didn't get to talk to her on Mothers Day because of complications from one of the surgeries that left her on a ventilator for several days. She spent almost a full month in the hospital.

Fast forward about 5 weeks and I was there with her this time, and we were going back for two more surgeries in order to complete what they were not able to complete on the first go because my mom was to unstable at the time. Well the first procedure went well. Awesome! I could breath a little. Then the second one. The last words I spoke to my mother was "Now Mom no funny business in the OR. I will see you when you are done." No I love you or nothing (Which I now regret). Well my mom developed complications and they were severe. She had a major stroke, and this is one that she was never going to recover from. She never woke up. I made the most horrible decision of my life, and removed care from my mother, and held her hand and cried as I watched her slip away. When she was gone I died a little inside.

I will tell you I miss her like crazy, but there is something that I hang on to more then anything. My mom was so worried that I was not getting to take the time to photograph anything that she would apologize over and over. I would tell her it was ok, but she didn't want me to lose my touch. So she made it a point to take me out to see the wild horses that live in her area. I took pictures of them, but I really needed more then 200mm. We also went to one of the National Parks, and although she was not feeling up to hiking we stopped at all the sites and she would push me out and tell me to go and take those photos.

Even though she was not getting out and taking photos with me, she enjoyed watching me do something that I enjoyed. And now I cling to that. It makes every photo I take, every trip that I plan to go and take photos that much more important. It gives me a chance to think of her as happy, even if it was only for a few moments.

So life sucks. Believe me right now I feel like I know it better than anyone. But you still have to make it what you want it to be. There is nothing more to it than that.

Let your photography remind you of the times when life didn't suck so much, let it help you get back on the right path, and above all, never lose your joy for it. Sometimes it can be the only calm in the storm at that moment.

I know this has not been a fun and enlightening post, but it is one that I had to share. I promise not to be so drab and sad next time. However I hope that if you are reading this and life is sucking for you.... and your soul is fulling away due to the stress that
1. You know you are not alone
2. This gives you a chance to find a way to feel better.

If you have suggestions, or things you would like to learn about, please list them below. I would love to touch on a subject of your interest, and use it to expand all of our knowledge.

Until next time!