It has been a rough week for me... I am sure there are a number of people out there that has said that this week. I really try not to think this way, but to come right out and say it, this week has sucked.
I am not one to complain, or say anything about what is going on with me at all. I am a Soldier, a Nurse, Photographer, Wife, and Mother, and with all of these professions you are placing the needs of someone else first. Let me tell you... this week that has been rough. I am not saying this to say that I am a selfish person, I am saying it because I am struggling.
As a Soldier for the many years that I have done it I have never thought about myself. I have only thought about the people to my right and to my left, and what is going on with them. I have put myself in harms way for others, I have dropped my own problems to walk another Soldier thru their problems, I have put my life on hold in order to put someone else first. Am I complaining? No. In fact I am proud to say that this is what I have done as a Soldier and as a leader. As a Soldier I am also a Nurse, and let me tell you I have gone for hours sitting at a bedside holding a patients hand to let them know that they are not alone. I have given a family member a hug, and stood by their side as they watched their family member slip away. I have been there to celebrate the joys of birth and the relief when a patient realizes that they have survived something that they did not think was possible. I have come in early, worked late and put my heart into my job with my patients and I have loved every moment of it. As a photographer I pride myself on capturing a moment in time that someone is not going to want to forget. Catching a feeling, an expression, an emotion and seeing my client's face when they see this moment is captured forever and being able to hold onto it for a lifetime. As a wife I have held my husband's hand as he recovered from surgery. Held onto him and comforted him as his heart hurts from things in his past and above all I have loved him with all that I have. As a mother I struggle daily with my three beautiful blessings. I have gone from cuddling them, and kissing away their pain from a scrape to watching them struggle and grow and know that there is nothing that I can do to protect them. My heart is full of love and joy for them as I watch them make amazing choices and continue to show that they have learned the difference from right and wrong and have been able to start identifying who they are and how amazing they are going to be.
So after staying all that I am sure you are asking how I see myself as struggling. As I said in the above paragraph everyone in my life, friends, family, clients, Soldiers are all put in front of my needs and my wants. I have never put myself first. However now I am struggling. I struggle because I am unable at the moment to do these things. You see I have recently had surgery... again. In the past 6 months I have had three surgeries on my feet and the most recent was rather serious as I had to get a bone graft and replace half a bone in my foot. This latest surgery has put me on crutches for 8 weeks and has crippled my ability to do much more then sit on the couch and play on my computer or the playstation. I am unable to do much of anything and now I am very reliant on my amazing husband to do the most basic of tasks and it is hard. I t is very hard to be the one that everyone has been reliant on and become the person that needs someone to help them.
However I must admit that this has helped me in a number of ways.
1. I am currently working thru an online photography class and learning so many new techniques and getting new ideas and building my skill behind my lens.
2. My husband and I have grown closer and each of us is taking more of an interest in the other's passions and favorite pass times.
3. I have become more of a sounding board for my children and they are opening up and sharing things with me that I do not believe they would have taken the time to do so if I wasn't trapped on the couch.
4. I have the time to build my business, blog, and learn more in regards to the finer art of using the editing programs that I have.
5. I have come to realize that what I do is not because I have too, it is truly because I love it
The number one thing that I have learned is that even though it is rough being out of commission and feeling useless, that I am not useless. There are things that I can still accomplish and I can still be who I am. Above all it may be rough, but I know that I am going to survive. No matter the situation, it is going to be rough but I am going to survive. I hope that is something that you remember the next time that you are having a rough time. Just hold on tight to the realization that you are going to survive, and you will be better for it.
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