For the last several weeks I have really been struggling with myself. When it comes to photography and even writing this blog I still feel like I am a newbie and that I am not really accomplishing anything or learning anything for that matter. With my photography I have been finding it very hard to convince myself to pick up my camera and do anything with it. I know that I need to practice or I am not going to get any better, but I just can't seem to do it. I am guessing that it is a lack of motivation on my part, however I am not exactly sure what it is. When it comes to the things that I write here I am honestly writing because I like too, and in some cases it gives me a sense of purpose. When I scroll through different groups and I see things that they struggle with I try to find the answer and see if there is something that I can do or explain to help, and on the same token apply it to myself. Once I am able to do that I share it here so that everyone who takes the time to read my blog will learn as well. I thought that if I shared my short comings and my accomplishments and things that I learned on each shoot in order to improve for the next that it would not only help reinforce it in my head, and potentially at the same time benefit someone else. However over the last few weeks I have felt like I am failing with that as well. I have felt that I am just doing it all wrong, or maybe I just wasn't smart enough to do all of it. This thought process has really weighed me down as a result.
This was all washed away today.
A few weeks ago my daughter had her senior pictures taken by the assigned photography company. Now I am going to leave their name out of it as a professional courtesy. We just received the proofs today, and I was horrified. They took 20 shots of my daughter and 19 of them are completely unacceptable. The background is horrible, the shadowing (that the photographer created on purpose is horrific) they have her tilted and leaning in weird directions. Not to mention, the posing. It was not flattering at all. I just couldn't believe that these were suppose to be the photos that she was to purchase to represent her senior year. When I saw them I wanted to cry. I know that when she sees them that she is going to hate them as well, and I have nothing that I can say that will make it better. I am planning to call the school and see if I can take her yearbook photo and submit it, but I am almost certain that this will be shot down because it will not be done by the contracted photographer which I can respect. I just feel sick for my daughter.
In an effort to not be to biased about the situation I did show the photos to a close family friend and my husband to see what their thoughts were. I did not say a word as they looked at the photos. They were horrified as well. They both told me that in knowing my daughter as well as they do that she is going to hate them and not want any of them. At that point both of them looked at me and told me that I should take her photos as they will be a million times better than what was originally produced. I reassured both of them that this was the plan and that my daughter had already asked that I do her photos for her. (Which was a confidence boost as well.)
Just for further investigation we decided to look and see how much the photos were going to cost. I could hear my wallet tuck its tail between its legs and scream when I saw the prices. The most expensive all you could get package was almost $600 and this is with out "premium retouching" (Whatever that is) and the killer was the lowest package. This package really had nothing to it, but as a professional courtesy I will not go into detail about the specifics. Needless to say, for virtually nothing they wanted $160. I sat for a very long time in disbelief and the expectation that this company had.
I charge no where near what this company charges and in a side by side comparison my work is much better. Which is not something that I take lightly in saying. It is horrible that my low self esteem about what I am attempting to do with my camera was washed away at the expense of my daughter's senior pictures, but it does make me realize that I can offer so much more to a client than what was offered to my daughter.
Sometimes I think we all just need a reminder that we are not as bad at something as we feel. Or I guess a shorter way to say it is that sometimes we just need a reality check. It is something I needed to remind me that I take great pride in my work and the products that I produce in order to have happy clients with beautiful work.
Just remember, you can only go forward from here. Going backwards is not an option. If this is your dream, as I am sure it is... Take it and run with it. Work hard and continue to improve. Never stop improving. If you stop... that is when you fail.
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